Well, here I am, posting again. I will start with an apology, as I have not posted in a while. I seem to have been infected with some type of French ennui, a malaise, a lethargy. Oh, and probably one of the worst flu bugs in the recorded history of man.
This was no ordinary flu, mind you. Oh, yeah, you have the flu back in America. But, this was just somehow different. It started with a fleeting tickle in the back of my throat. Then, a sniffle or two. I know, sounds familiar, but just you wait. That soon progressed to full on fever and me quoting existentialist poets in a bath tub filled with ice. Along with the headache came the overpowering desire to look down my nose at all things non-French. And to compare life to zee bread, you know? Soon, all of my American buddies were shying away from me, but the French loved me. I was, for a few short days, the toast of France and French Belgium. I attended art shows, actually enjoyed mimes and my jeans somehow grew so tight that one could count the hairs on my buttocks. All two of them.
Thankfully, I am feeling more like myself. American, in other words. I am back to being mistrustful of my surroundings and only eating Rice-A-Roni and anything, ANYTHING, made by Chef-Boy-Ardee. Ah, it’s good to be me again.
So, the flu has subsided, the feelings of emptiness have cleared up, and I am back to writing in this, my one true testament. Sorry to have been away for so long.
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A big shout out to the care package that Ryan and Sara sent me a few weeks ago. I rummaged through it, took the CDs to work, read through the books on Belgium and left everything else in the box. I came home tonight, weary and weakened from my illness, and realized: D’oh. I forgot to buy toilet paper, and nary a paper product was in sight. The stores are all closed at 6, so, in this country, if you haven’t bought it by then, you go without. I see the care package on the table, and desperately rummage around and find: two rolls of toilet paper! And, I swear to you this, at that moment, never have I been as grateful as I was right then. That feeling will subside, of course, and I will go back to being an unworthy friend. But, until then: thanks, guys – it’s the small things that seem to matter most.
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Yeah, I agree: what an odd post this is. I blame the plants. What’s that, you ask, the plants? Why, yes. When you go to a doctor in Belgium, unless you specify otherwise, you are often given a prescription for herbal remedies. For my cold, I believe I was given a prescription for Extract of Venus Fly Trap. While it may me feel marginally better, I do now sit in shady areas with my mouth open, waiting for flies to crawl into my maw. The other side effect is I feel slightly goofy. Only slightly, mind you, and that is much better than spending your time planning a land war in Africa or Indochina. One that you have no hope of winning, by the way. Just like the French!
2 Comments
March 6, 2008 at 1:33 am
I am so glad that you are back. I was getting a wee bit worried.
March 10, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Arek,
don’t worry dude…at least your sewage pipes haven’t burst yet. had the distinct pleasure of cleaning that up today. The landlord installed a new toilet upstairs. Not a regular toilet…one of these high end mobile home types. it needs electricity to grind the “stuff” up and pressure feeds it down a two inch pipe. Unfortunately for me, they plumber had forgotten to close off the elbow end which is just outside my bedroom door. So when my sister in law flushed this morning…a tidal wave of ground terds performed a volcananic splooging all over the walls and floor. This of course was the worst possible outcome because we had previosly prohibited use of the ‘new’ toilet not because of the pending terd doom, but that when the grinder turns on, it scares the living crap out of whoever is unaware of the coming flush. Anywho…now you have TP, be glad it wasn’t pulped into a chutney and flung onto your walls!
Edit & Add
From: Arek
Now, this made me laugh. For those who do not know, Dan works with me at NATO. Not on my team or anything, just in the same, gray and soulless building that houses the other drones. So, the subject of an upcoming post, but I will preview it here: they do not seem to have heard of the concept of garbage disposals in the kitchen, but they do have disposals for the toilets. What’s wrong with this picture? Are people all over Belgium scraping food and trash into their toilets and flushing? Is this what I have been missing here?
And another thing, something that Dan pointed out when I first arrived. To quote him: “You could flush a small dog down these toilets.” And, it’s true. The things sound like they opened up the overflow valves on the Hoover dam when you flush them. I figured in environmentally friendly Belgium, you’d have the low flow model, but apparently not.
Given that at least one third of the toilets around here are really just two yellow feet painted on the ground to indicate where to squat and a hole in the ground, look, I’m just happy I have what I have. Still, though, these are the nagging questions that bother me in the dead of night.
I do not believe I will ever fully understand this country.